Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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