I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
