Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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