What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
