hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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