I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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