How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
