two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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