I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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