You're completely useless in the revolution.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
