I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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