If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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