sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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