Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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