i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My breasts were aching with rage.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
