dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
