I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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