I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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