I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
