Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
