I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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