high people should be assigned attendants
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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