Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
