It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
