i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
