Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
