I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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