On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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