We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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