Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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