He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
