there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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