we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
