Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
