i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
