Christians are straight up FREAKS
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
