you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
