when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
