i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
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