Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
