If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
no you cant smoke seaweed
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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