I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
