No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
