Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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