would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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