I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
