Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
