toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
