I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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