my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize