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So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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