Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
dude. I can hear the air.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
