I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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