My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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