i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
