I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I want to be your penis for a week.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
