and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize