I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
