i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Blow job season was short but glorious.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
