I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
