We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
