I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
