I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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