Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
