I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
