My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
