My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
