I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
