Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
