She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
