I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize