Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
