Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
