i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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