don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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