Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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