Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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