just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
