I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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