i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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