Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
