2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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