I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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