I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
