so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
