they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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