They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
