my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
