I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
