Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
