capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Alive.
So much puke
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
