I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
