I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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