apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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