Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
