I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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