I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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