i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
