And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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