i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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