better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
