Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
