Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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