Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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