There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
