Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
