I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
